Author: Dr. Ajit Varwandkar
Once, an old man named Laddu Pinto stood in front of a bakery. The shop had a shelf full of mouth-watering sweets and chocolates. The shopkeeper could not resist asking Laddu if he wanted anything specific. To this, Laddu replied; actually, I remember my childhood days. I used to eat one lollypop almost every day. My parent could have got me doing any damn job in exchange for a lollypop. I loved it so much. Even now, I love it almost the same. But now I am grown up, and the toffee is meant for kids. Hence, I may not eat it. I know people will laugh at me when they see me sucking the lollypop!
Friends, I have a significant objection to this thought process. If you like to eat a lolly pop, go and eat it. Why be scared of your age? Why think that at this age, say 65 years, if I am caught (seen) eating chocolate, people might mock me! Who are these people, after all? Even if they are a few of your close circle kin, why should their ideas stop you from relishing a lolly pop?
“What you think of me is more important than what I think of myself” – Why should this be true in anyone’s life?
Many times, people find themselves upset because of a lack of validation. Why should it matter so much to me if some person does not like me? Or maybe even when someone went ahead and abused me! Is this a reason sufficient enough to make me feel upset? Isn’t this valid only when we give unfairly significant importance to the other person’s opinion. In effect, in such situations people start seeking approval from random others about the validity of their thoughts. Thus, they invest all their peace and power in someone else’s kitty. This makes them feel absolutely powerless and vulnerable.
“The people who get the most approvals in life are the ones who care the least about it, and the ones who get the least approvals care the most about what other people think”, says Wayne Dyre.
Whenever you are disturbed by other’s comments or unacceptance, ask yourself, “Why do I need approval from that person?” In life or at the workplace, there could be exceptions. Even in those situations, if you are convinced of your point of view, staying firm on your beliefs would be a merit.
In fact, why does a person actually need an external approval at all? In most situations, your social circle, the ones whose approval you are much concerned about, might be busy with their own challenges in life. The best way to lead life is to walk on the path of self-confidence. Do what makes the most amount of sense to you. You have the right to choose your direction. Of course, whatever you think and do must not trespass on the boundaries of humanity and socio-cultural acceptability. All that you do with confidence must be placed with humility. Beware of these villains: ‘arrogance’ and ‘over-confidence’. Those who ignore these two vital antagonists, risk facing failure and mass disapproval even when their ideas are sane!
Finally, we must remember that happiness (and success) will chase us only when we do not drift with the opinions of others but stick to what we believe is right. When people just follow others to get their consent, they move away from success. Had Laddu not given disproportionate importance to the opinion of others, he would have enjoyed the lollypop and experienced joy.
Life has to be lived with self-trust and self-confidence.
Do contact me in case you have any career queries.
Dr. Ajit Varwandkar is the Director of myaglakadam.com. He is a leading career counselor and can be contacted on 9826132972 or email him at info@fsindia.in
This column was originally published by the author in The Times of India