While guiding students as a career counselor, I get introduced to various life situations. Every family is unique and presents a distinct set of opportunities and challenges. Recently I counseled a student from class 10th CBSE school education board. His name was Laddu Pinto. As a necessary career counseling process, I got a myaglakadam psychometric career assessment done for Laddu. The report of this test was enlightening and insightful.
The discussions rolled on smoothly but got stuck at a point called Mathematics. Laddu was scared of mathematics. He was ready to study any subject under the sun but was vehemently averse to mathematics. As per the assessment report, I was surprised because Laddu had demonstrated an excellent numerical ability. His logical reasoning was in a very high range. As per my experience and understanding, such profiled students were supposed to be confident with mathematics.
I was intrigued to explore deep into the situation. On further investigation, a different story evolved. This is what I got to understand:
As a small kid, Laddu picked up language a bit late. As a result, he would not understand his teacher’s words during his junior classes. The fall out was fewer numbers in-class tests. To motivate Laddu to study hard and learn better, his father promised him a bicycle if he got 90% plus marks in his class 5 mathematics examination. Unfortunately for Laddu, the bicycle was not in his luck! Father’s offer repeated year after year until Laddu reached class 10th. The only change was that the bicycle got upgraded into a motorcycle as an offer, at the class 9th.
Laddu kept failing to achieve his target and, as such, could never win the jackpot. As a result of the above experience, Laddu lost all his confidence in the subject. A solid and self-defeating conviction seeped into his subconscious mind, saying, “I am poor in mathematics. This subject can take me nowhere.”
Parents sometimes, unintentionally, cause such irreparable harm to their wards. I think that rewards should never be linked to results, at least during the schooling stage of a child. As we saw in the case of Laddu, the inability to achieve the target created significant damage.
I would rather, as a parent, appreciate the efforts made by the kid. Believe me, even a small token of praise for the efforts can magically boost the student’s morale and deliver incredible positive results. Encouragement works better than a carrot or a stick. I have also met a few parents who had been cruel and harsh with their children. These people do not hesitate to offer physical abuse or brutal punishments to those small kids!
Friends, the human mind is an expert in creating a habit. We associate ourselves very fast with actions that get repeated frequently. For example, assume that you do not like a particular television serial. However, your family loves watching it every day. Under compulsion, you get to passively watch (or hear) that serial daily. After some time, you will observe that your apathy towards that particular TV show has lessened. Repeat the behavior for a few more weeks, and you may eventually start liking that channel!
As illustrated above, the law of association binds experiences with convictions. Suppose the consistent thoughts originating from the closest or most frequently contacted people around you are negative. In that case, you will definitely experience the induced effect of that negativity. Likewise, suppose someone consistently keeps making you realize that you are short of specific abilities. In that case, you start believing in your notional inabilities.
There is a strong flip side to the target-based achievement of academic results. A reinforcement that links the goal to an additional token of recognition – say, a gift (bike in the case of Laddu), might make one lose respect for the original goal. As such, I strongly recommend parents, teachers, and seniors in society to get into the practice of appreciating efforts. Appreciating performance is desirable, but it is better if the results are not liked a carrot or a punishment.
This blog was originally posted on Times of India by Author.